The talking stage is the bit before dating properly. You have matched or met, you are messaging regularly, maybe you have been on a date or two, but nothing is defined. You are both still working out whether this is going anywhere.
It is normal and usually short. It becomes a problem when it drags on for months with no movement.
For the full picture, including how to move it forward, read our main guide on what the talking stage means in dating. This page sticks to the definition and how it fits with related terms.
Where the term comes from
“Talking” has long been used, especially in the US, to mean you are seeing someone informally (“we’re just talking”). “The talking stage” as a named phase took off on social media, particularly TikTok and Twitter, in the late 2010s and early 2020s, often in jokes about how long it can last.
It reflects how dating works now. With apps, there is often a long stretch of messaging before anyone meets, and that stretch needed a name.
Signs you are in the talking stage
- You message most days, but haven’t discussed what you are.
- You have been on a few dates, or are trying to set one up.
- You are probably both still on the apps.
- Neither of you has met the other’s friends.
- Conversations are still about getting to know each other: jobs, families, likes and dislikes.
- There is flirting, but no talk of exclusivity.
Signs it is going well
- Plans happen, not just get mentioned.
- Effort is roughly equal: both of you start conversations.
- Things feel like they are building, not looping.
Signs it is stalling
- Weeks of texting but no actual date.
- Replies are getting shorter (see dry texting).
- You are always the one suggesting plans.
An example
You matched two weeks ago. You have been chatting most evenings, had one good drink together and are planning a second. Neither of you has deleted the app and you have not talked about it. That is a healthy talking stage.
If it is three months later and you are still texting “we should do something soon”, it has stalled.
Why it exists
The talking stage gives you room to work out whether you like someone before committing, which is sensible. It also lets people keep their options open. Most people are chatting to more than one person early on, and that is generally accepted until you agree otherwise.
What matters is that both of you are heading somewhere, even slowly. A talking stage with steady contact and actual dates is doing its job. One where you only ever talk about meeting up, or where the effort is badly one-sided, is worth questioning sooner rather than later, because it rarely fixes itself by waiting.
Talking stage vs related terms
A situationship is what a talking stage can become if it goes on too long: regular contact and closeness, but still no label.
What to Text When She Cancels Plans
What you text when she cancels plans matters more than most men realise. The wrong response pushes her away. The right one…
Breadcrumbing can look like a slow talking stage, but the difference is intent. In a real talking stage both people are moving towards meeting up. A breadcrumber keeps things vague on purpose.
The talking stage usually ends with either fading out, or a DTR (define the relationship) conversation.
Moving it forward
The quickest fix for a stuck talking stage is a specific plan. Our guide on how to convert matches into dates covers this in more depth.
I’ve enjoyed chatting. Want to grab a drink this Thursday?
We’ve been talking a while, I’d like to see where this goes. Are you seeing other people?
The full talking stage guide covers timing and how to bring up exclusivity without making it weird.
FAQs
How long should the talking stage last?
There is no rule, but a few weeks to a couple of months is typical. If you have been talking for over two months without a date, or several months of dates without any conversation about what it is, it is worth raising.
Is it OK to talk to other people during the talking stage?
Generally, yes. Most people assume it is non-exclusive until you agree otherwise. If you want to be exclusive, say so rather than assuming the other person feels the same.
How do you know the talking stage is over?
Usually when you have had a conversation about being exclusive or official, or when one of you starts to fade out. If you are unsure whether it is over, it probably isn’t yet.
Is the talking stage the same as dating?
It is the beginning of dating. Some people use “talking” to mean messaging before meeting, others include early dates. The common thread is that nothing has been defined yet.