I started Ultimate Guide To Dating because I could not find a straight answer to a simple question.
I am Stuart, I am 42, I live in Staffordshire and I am a dad. A while back I found myself dating again after a long time out of it, and like most people I did the obvious thing: I went looking online for advice. What I found was hours of content that left me more confused than when I started.
One article said never double text. The next said double texting shows confidence. One said your first message should be short. Another said short messages get ignored. Every site had a strong opinion and none of them agreed with each other, and almost none of them explained where their advice came from.
So I built the site I had been looking for.
What this site is
A practical guide to modern dating, messaging and dating apps. Specific answers to specific questions, written plainly.
If you are trying to work out what to text someone who has gone quiet, why your Hinge matches dry up, or whether the signals you are reading are actually there, that is what this site is for.
What this site is not
I am not a coach, a therapist or a relationship expert. I have no qualifications in psychology and I do not claim any. I am not going to tell you I have a system, and I am not selling you a programme.
I also do not write about anything medical, legal or financial, and if you are dealing with something serious, this site is not the right place for it.
Where the advice comes from
Four things, and I would rather be upfront about all of them.
- Using the apps myself. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder. I have sent the bad opener and got the silence back. A lot of what is on here started as something I got wrong first.
- Conversations with friends. Men and women, in their twenties through their forties, single and coupled up. Some of the most useful material on this site came out of people telling me what they actually do when someone goes cold, rather than what they think they should do.
- Research. Where there is real work on attraction, communication or how people behave online, I read it and I cite it by name. Mirroring, reply timing, first impressions and plenty else have been studied properly. Most dating blogs never bother pointing at any of it.
- What people are actually asking. I look at the real questions people type into search engines, not the questions I assume they have. That is what decides most of what gets written.
None of that makes me an authority. It makes the advice honest about its own limits, which is more than I could find when I was looking.
Who this is written for
Not just men. Roughly a fifth of what is on here is written specifically for women, a bit less specifically for men, and most of it applies either way.
I am aware I am a bloke writing about dating, and that there are things I cannot speak to from experience. Where that is the case, the advice leans harder on what other people have told me and on research rather than on my own view of it.
How the site pays for itself
Some links on this site are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you sign up for something through them. There are also display ads.
None of it changes what gets recommended. No dating app has ever paid me to say anything, and I have never taken money to write about a product.