Future faking is when someone makes big, exciting promises about your future together that they have no real intention of keeping. Holidays you’ll take, the flat you’ll share, the dog you’ll get, meeting their family “soon”. The plans sound wonderful. They just never happen.
It’s a serious one, because it works by getting you invested in a version of the relationship that doesn’t exist. You stay for the future you’ve been promised, not the present you’re actually getting.
Where the term comes from
The phrase comes from discussions about manipulative relationships, particularly among therapists and writers who focus on narcissistic and controlling behaviour. It moved into everyday dating language through social media and relationship advice from the late 2010s onwards.
It’s often mentioned alongside love bombing, because the two frequently go together: lots of intense affection now, plus lots of promises about later.
What future faking looks like
The pattern is talk without action, especially early on.
- Talking about moving in, marriage or kids within the first few weeks
- Suggesting specific trips (“We should do Lisbon in the spring”) that never get booked
- Promising to introduce you to family or friends, then always finding a reason to delay
- Using future plans to smooth over present problems (“Once work calms down, it’ll be different”)
- Reacting vaguely or defensively when you try to pin down details
- New promises appearing whenever you seem to be pulling away
- A big gap between how serious they sound and how they actually treat you day to day
An example
Three weeks into dating, Alex hears all about the cottage in Cornwall they’ll rent in summer, the friends’ wedding they’ll go to together, and how “you’d love my mum”.
Two months later, nothing has moved.
Alex: Are we still doing Cornwall? I need to book time off.
Them: Yeah definitely, just need to check my work schedule.
Alex: You said that a few weeks ago.
Them: Why are you pushing this? I’ve told you I want to go.
The trip never gets booked. The family meeting keeps slipping. But every time Alex starts to step back, a new plan appears. That cycle is future faking.
Why people do it
Not everyone who gets carried away is future faking. Some people are just enthusiastic and a bit unrealistic in the early days. The difference is whether there’s any follow-through, and how they react when you ask for it.
When it is deliberate, the reasons tend to be:
- Keeping you hooked. Promises make it easier for you to overlook what’s lacking now.
- Moving things along fast. Talking about the future can lower your guard and speed up commitment.
- Avoiding conflict. A promise is an easy way to end an awkward conversation.
- Keeping control. If you’re waiting for the future, you’re less likely to leave.
Some people do it without much self-awareness. They like how it feels to be wanted and say what keeps that feeling going. The impact on you is the same either way.
Future faking vs love bombing
Love bombing is overwhelming someone with affection, attention and gifts early on. Future faking is overwhelming them with promises. Love bombing is about the present, future faking is about what’s to come, and they’re often used together.
Future faking also overlaps with breadcrumbing. Both keep you hanging on. Breadcrumbing uses small bits of attention, future faking uses big plans that never materialise. And when someone denies they ever made those promises, it can tip into gaslighting.
What to do about it
The best protection is to judge people on what they do, not what they say they’ll do.
- Notice the pace. Big future talk in the first few weeks is worth a raised eyebrow, however lovely it feels.
- Turn talk into a small, real plan. “Let’s book it this weekend” quickly shows whether a promise is real.
- Keep track of what’s been promised and what’s actually happened. It’s easy to lose count.
- Pay attention to how they react when you ask for details. Defensiveness or blame is a signal in itself.
- Keep your own life going. Don’t put plans, friendships or decisions on hold for a future that’s still hypothetical.
Messages you can use:
I love the idea of going away together. Shall we pick dates and book it this week?
You’ve mentioned meeting your family a few times now. When were you thinking?
I’m finding it hard when we make plans and they don’t happen. Can we focus on what we’re actually doing in the next month?
If you realise you’ve been strung along by someone who keeps promising and never delivers, it’s okay to walk away, and it’s okay to lean on friends or talk to a counsellor if it’s knocked your confidence. Our guide on what love bombing is and how to spot it covers the closely related pattern in detail, and our list of red flags in early dating you should never ignore has other early signs to watch.
FAQs
What is future faking in a relationship?
Future faking is when someone promises things about your future together, such as trips, moving in or marriage, without any real plan to follow through. The promises keep you emotionally invested and hopeful, often while the relationship you actually have falls short.
How do you know if someone is future faking?
Watch for big plans made very early, details that never get pinned down, and promises that reappear whenever you seem unhappy. If you try to turn a plan into something concrete and they get vague or annoyed, that’s a strong sign.
Is future faking a form of manipulation?
It can be. When it’s deliberate, it’s used to gain trust and keep someone in a relationship by selling them a future that isn’t coming. Some people do it out of over-enthusiasm rather than intent, but a repeated pattern with no follow-through is worth taking seriously either way.
Is talking about the future early always a red flag?
No. Plenty of people get excited and talk about plans early on. The difference is that genuine enthusiasm comes with action: the trip gets booked, the friends get met. Future faking stays as talk.